Saturday, December 31, 2011

On Letting Go

I've never been good at letting go. I can remember being four years old and realizing on New Year's Eve that the year was ending, that the decade was over in fact. The world was moving on and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I felt a little anxious in that moment. Someone should've just written the check for the therapy then, because I've had trouble letting go ever since. Heh.
I started cleansing after Thanksgiving this year. Out with the old, in with the new. I couldn't imagine bringing more stuff into our home in the form of holiday gifts without first taking a good look at what we were storing in this place we call home.
It was only fitting that I start with myself right?

Nothing like a green smoothie every day. It was time. I feel much better on a no refined sugar, no dairy, no wheat, no corn, no soy, no alcohol diet. What can I say? I am blessed to be a highly sensitive individual? With the help of an amazing holistic practitioner/ nutritionist I have discovered the right combination of nutrients to nourish my body. My Rhinebeck weekend got me off track in the most indulgent sort of way...fried artichoke anyone?
Whatever... I can't mess around anymore. I have serious reactions when I ingest these offenders.

So, next I attacked the clutter. I knew this was a big job, but I mistakenly thought some aspects would be easy. The kitchen, for instance; how hard would it be to open the cabinets where the cookbooks had been stored for years and simply put them in the donation bags? I mean, I had my favorite go-to cookbooks- Fannie Farmer, the Art of Simple Food, Nourishing Traditions. Well, I made the mistake of looking. I started reading recipes. I opened books and saw inscriptions from friends noting housewarming, or friendship, or whatever else now made me feel like I needed to hold onto that book. I am SO sentimental. I literally had to have an internal dialogue about
" hold onto the memory, toss the book." We've all heard these organizational experts coach the inner hoarder, right? Ok, so I let go of the housewarming cookbooks of 20 years ago. I kept The Silver Palate, but I digress.
Then I stumbled upon this one.

Baking With Julia. It made me feel all Julia and Julia. I wanted to go and put on my string of pearls. I mean, this is a book worth owning right? Right? Well, here's the deal. I'm an idealist. I'd like to bake with Julia. Heck, I'd LOVE to bake with Julia. But, the truth is, for as long as I've owned this book, I hadn't baked with Julia. I wasn't baking with Julia. I was never going to have the time to bake with Julia! Honey, by the time I even had time to bake with Julia, I'd be living in "the home." You know the one. the one where they bake for their elderly residents. Yes, that home. Where the residents aren't allowed to use the ovens. Good-bye, Julia.
By now I am mentally exhausted by the internal dialogue required to purge what no longer serves me. Good- bye all of you unused cookbooks. My family is just happy to have anything at all on the table each night.

So if the easy peasy to part with cookbooks have traumatized me, you can only imagine what the rest of the decluttering process is doing to me. I've procrastinated while coming to terms with some negative core beliefs. I'm ready to move on into 2012 unencumbered. I've been able to detach from what no longer serves me and find joy in the hope that it will now serve someone else. My soul mentor, Tara, recently tweeted that you're no longer alive in the past. Why spend so much time there? Amen, sister.

It's all a process, this letting go. I'm happy to share that I am actually excited to lift up 2011 and release it. I've released all that no longer serves me to make room for all the wonderful gifts 2012 has for my beautiful life. It's all a celebration.

Here's what's been happening in Studio E:
I finished a fun pair of handknit socks in my own design loosely based on David's Toe Up Sock Cookbook.

The sock yarn is Dragonfly Fiber Dragon Sock in the colorways "His Nose Like a Cherry" and "Mistletoe Kiss."

I finished my swap portion of hexipuffs for the Bohoknitterchic Hexipuff swap over on Ravelry.

Here they are all labeled, tagged and ready to go.

I crocheted a handspun long-tail pom for a brand new soul.

Isn't he precious? Major babylove.

As for the rest of my WIPs, I have some amazing natural colored merino wool on my Jenkins Lark. The rest of my spindles are beautifully wrapped in Phat Fiber samples. I have 13 yarns ready to ply!
I'm just finishing up a HUGE self striping roving I purchased from Loop at Rhinebeck. Shawl-bound, I think. More on that yarn in the next post.

As this year quickly draws to a close, I want my blog pals to know how very grateful I am for each of you. I treasure your friendship and I thank you for taking time to share this space with me. I have been touched by your presence here. Wishing you dreams come true in 2012. Abundant blessings to you, my friends. Happy New Year!

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